Parenting and Domestication 101

"Having children domesticates parents."

I have always loved that inspired line after hearing it in a class lecture in my "Sociology of Marriage and Family Life" one decade ago, as a newly turned 17 yr old college newbie. I feel like that quote can be simple and easy to grasp yet profoundly deep and intricate with study as well.

Let's look at the definition in one popular dictionary of today:

Definition 1) "To train to need and accept the care of human beings : to tame."

It is interesting that most people, before having children, tend to go through (or want to) a phase of self-exploration; to discover their personal identity, prove their capabilities and to prove their independence from others. It is interesting to think about how having a child can help us go from wanting to be independent from anyone else to realizing that it is normal and good to turn to others around us for help and that, while we can be self-reliant and dependable, it is still alright to be interdependent and to provide, as well as seek, help to and from others. Also, how much of a humbling experience is it for people when they are going through a difficult time and they receive help from other people? I would definitely consider being humbled and feeling gratitude as a visible outcome from being "tamed". Do you agree?

Definition 2) "to grow for human use."

If parenting a child is not a learning and growing experience, I honestly don't know what is. While parents are trying so hard to teach to their children what life is and what it is all about in this world, a child is constantly teaching the parent in countless ways as well. That is why we look to the elderly and/or those who have traveled the same road already.. for good advice (or we hopefully do this!): they have learned from all of their parenting experiences through the years and they have received priceless knowledge and gained wisdom from their learning. The more knowledge and wisdom one has gained, the more valued and respected they become because of the opportunities they now have to help others by imparting some of their wisdom and advice.

Definition 3) "to train (someone) to behave in an appropriate way at home (such as by using good manners, being polite, being helpful, etc.)."

The best and ultimate tool that will, without fail, proudly display--for grading and critique--all of your good and bad etiquette habits, all of your language errors, and all of your positive and negative attitudes..is your own child.
Ever hear that song by Rodney Atkins "Watching You"? Here is Parenting summed up in one verse of music:
He said, "I've been watching you, dad, ain't that cool?
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we're just alike, hey, ain't we dad?
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you."

Children are like sponges. They soak up anything and everything! And then when they start getting full, they start spitting and spilling all the different things out they have been taking in. They will dress the same way you dress, listen to the same music, say the same words, cheer the same team, treat people the same way they see you treat people, etc. etc. If I were watching someone mimic all of my habits, attitudes and language, you bet your bottom dollar I would be living in such a way as to not feel embarrassed if my ways of life were ever to be repeated or shared with the world, having my name etched on it where everyone would know it was me.

It sure hits home and gives a good visual lesson watching a child hit a sibling back in retaliation during a little argument while simultaneously telling that sibling "We don't hit people, Johnny! That's not nice!" Have you ever done that? Spanked a child's hand for hitting a sibling while telling them "We don't hit"? Yeah...I realized the error of my ways too. People--and children--will believe what they see more than what they hear.

Here's a question about learning patience, straight from a child: Dad, Mom and siblings are kneeling down for nightly family prayer, waiting for 5 yr old Alice who has been in the bathroom for more than a few minutes, trying to finish some "business". Mom calls out, "Alice! Hurry fast, honey! We are all waiting for you!" In disappointment and frustration Alice responds, "How when you and Daddy are going poops, you don't have to hurry but when I am going poops, I have to hurry all the time?!"

Yes. That tale really happened. Yes, I have definitely been guilty of this type of scenario before as well. Yes, my eyes have been opened and I have since changed my ways for the better.


Moral of this post: If you want to learn to be humble and teachable, parent a child. If you want to grow for human use for the betterment of the population in the world, parent a child. If you want to behave appropriately and have good manners, language and etiquette, parent a child. Do you see where I am going with this?? :-)

What other ways have you been stretched and molded as a Parent? a Teacher? Grandparent, Aunt/Uncle? What is one life-altering lesson you have learned from a child in your life?